Dear,

These lines are being written on a sunny afternoon in Saigon, when I realized I don’t miss you terribly anymore. I could just let it go and forget it like the dream I had last night, but I decided not to. Somehow I think it’s unfair not to let you know how much you meant to me.

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Whenever you face that lost and hopeless feeling, remember you possess the power to change a man’s life to the core, without even touching him. One afternoon of May, when I saw your eyes for the first time, my life was never the same. It might seem strange to you how that happened, but trust me I wouldn’t believe it either if I wasn’t the one that experienced it. I can still recall it, vividly, the mossy smell of the old wall, the early summer wind blowing through your hair and mine and through the green leaves above. The sound when you opened the door, your laughter and your silly joke about the dogs, how you smell, how the charming mole above your pink lips moves when you talked. Time stopped. I remember how I stood behind the closed door with a stupid smile, whispering to my heart: “Yes, it is what you think it is”.

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Since that moment, there hasn’t been a single day when I didn’t think of you, first thing in the morning when I wake up. Restlessly you have been running round and round in my heart, and I have been enjoying every moment of my life knowing you exist. It’s like I can feel your soul vividly, as cool, beautiful and vibrant as a summer stream.

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So, I was sorry. I was blaming myself for not being able to make you mine, knowing it would be beautiful and I would make you so happy that I would be happy too. Then I realized that I should be thankful that you exist and that I had the chance to meet you. Because of you I had learned an important lesson: true love is never about possession. I might not be extremely happy without you. It’s not that I don’t want to feel your hand in mine. Not happy, but more alive than I’ve ever been in my years on Earth. So I guess it’s not about being happy. If it is about happy, then sadness would be meaningless. But no, Life is about being alive. And Love is about Freedom.

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So, yes. You’re changing my life to the core, with the smile you gave me on that summer afternoon. And yes, I still love you. As a freeman.

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Wish you love and freedom.

N.

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